COMMUNITY BULLETIN BOARD - 2007

   

Thelma Wupperman invites everyone to drive by the house and wave to her husband Mort.  Since Mort’s death last month, she has had many folks tell her that they miss him waving to passersby from his front porch chair.  In order to make it seem like old times, she decided to have Mort stuffed.  The Village Taxidermy Shop did a fine job.  They even hinged his arm and installed a little battery-operated motor so that he is perpetually waving.  Thelma is delighted with the results.  Mort never came in the house much anyway and it’s much easier cleaning up after him these days.  She just dusts him off every now and then and changes his battery every six months or so.

Wendell Hooper finally finished his 10 foot by 10 foot portrait of Barry Manilow done entirely in beer bottle caps.  He estimates that it took about 14,000 caps to do it.  Since the carryout only has three brands of beer, he had to join 32 different Beer Of The Month clubs to get all the colors.  He assures everyone that the empties were all put in the recycling bin behind the school.  The masterpiece can be seen on the side of his garage that faces the old train station.

The Alexandria Chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous (AAA) meets every Thursday at the Presbyterian Church.  Bill Lorimer, AAA director, would like to remind everyone that they do not distribute travel maps or TripTiks so please stop asking.  He will, however, be glad to help you start your car should the need arise.  Bill would also like to extend a special invitation to Wendell Hooper.

Vandals struck Thelma Wupperman’s front porch again as she discovered last Wednesday  morning.  Someone applied bright red lipstick, dangly earrings and a large purple brassiere to her late husband Mort.  In his waving hand was a sign that read “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.”  Anyone with information should contact Licking County Deputy Sheriff Bobby Cooperider.  Deputy Cooperider is especially interested in finding the owner of the brassiere.

GARDENING TIP:  Don’t bother cutting back plum trees.  Just wait and sooner or later they’ll prune themselves.

EXERCISE ADVICE FOR BABY BOOMERS:

Do this three times a week to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can.   Try to reach a full minute, then relax.  Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.  After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks.  Then 50-lb. potato sacks, and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.  Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

The Restless Leg Syndrome support group will meet next Tuesday in the school gym.  Dance instructor Wanda Hopkinson will be offering free clogging lessons.

Lance Boyle, assistant manager of The Alexandria Mall out on the highway asks that you remember to patronize these fine establishments:

Burlington Goat Factory

Larry King’s Suspender World

Old Gravy

Build-A-Squirrel

Crabtree and Chuck

Victor/Victoria’s Secret